Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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