my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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