Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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