I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
