I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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