Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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