why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
