i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize