my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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