I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
