You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
