I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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