if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
