Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
