i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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