I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
