my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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