Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
