I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
