Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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