We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
