My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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