hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
