He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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