Jerry, you need to find god
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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