No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
