i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize