so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
