She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
