Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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