It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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