NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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