I should be sponsored by Trojan
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
