i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
