Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
