um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
