girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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