try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
