Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
