Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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