We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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