If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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