I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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