I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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