Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
