The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
