I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
