Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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