I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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