her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
