that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
