i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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