Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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