Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
