in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Panties = found
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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