Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
