so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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