the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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