how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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