I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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