i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
