Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
