Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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