Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
