Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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