I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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