sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
