I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
