Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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