I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't deserve a penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
