I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
