NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
