Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
