Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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