some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize