I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im holly from the hills drunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
