We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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