there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
