i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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