My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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