Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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