ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
God I need to hump something, right now.
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