my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
