he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
