I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize