I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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