I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
