what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize