ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
