so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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