I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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