he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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