I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
