Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
