I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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