I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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