Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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