Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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