and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
