sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
